Afraid to Change
by Vikuliusik
Summary: Suzaku has a girlfriend. One evening on a date not long after they decided to get together, they run into Lelouch. Lelouch gets angry and runs home only to find Suzaku has beat him there. Lelouch hates Suzaku for everything, but will Suzaku be able to confess to Lelouch? Will Lelouch stop hating him and see his true feelings? This is a role-play of mine turned into a fanfiction.


**This fan fiction is another cause of role-playing with a friend. This one is yet again in the first-person view of Suzaku Kururugi. It is another shipping of Suzaku and Lelouch. But this one is different from **_**Zero's Lost Days**_**. Enjoy!**

I pulled the helmet off my head, shaking my hair loose from my skull. We had been riding for a little over an hour; this was a special night for the two of us. "How was that? Was my jacket warm enough for you?" I put my helmet on my seat and helped Kris, grinning when we finally got the helmet away from her hair. "Yeah, it was great. You're a real expert with this bike, Suzaku." She smiled and turned her back to me, shaking her hair back into place. "Um…thanks." I locked the helmets onto the bike, shoved the key in my pocket and took her hand. "We're going to die of hunger if we don't get inside this place right now." I whined, she rolled her eyes at me and replied smartly, "we're not going to _die_ if we don't eat. Calm yourself down…isn't that your friend, Lelouch?" She looked over my shoulder and I turned to follow her gaze, stiffening slightly when I saw Lelouch walking towards me. "Crap…how am I supposed to explain this?" I mumbled, running a hand through my hair.

"Hey, Suzaku! Who's this?" He asked, looking at Kris as if she was a parasite. He smiled, but it wasn't a nice one. "I'm Lelouch, you?" He held out his hand towards her, ignoring the first question he asked. She grinned and took Lelouch's hand, shaking it gently. "I'm Kris…I'm guessing Suzaku didn't tell you? We're…um…together. We met at base. I control the Knightmare Frame: Mako 6-2, the second-best to his Lancelot." She looked smug and I held back a chuckle, clearing my throat she dropped his hand. "Sorry, Lelouch…I've been so busy I forgot to tell you." I ran my hand through my hair, looking to the ground. "And this bike…I named it Lancelot. Not my Frame, but that's what I decided to call this monster. He might as well be both, eh?" I smiled, feeling slight heat in my cheeks as I looked at my white and gold Kawasaki Ninja.

"Oh…that's great." I watched Lelouch look to the sky and I bit my lip, "well, I'll leave you two alone for now. Suzaku, if you need me for anything…I'll be home with Nunally."

"Sorry, Lelouch. I should have told you. You deserved to know. If it wasn't like this, I'd ask you to come with us, but…I'm sorry." I didn't dare to look at him, so I stared at our helmets. _Somehow I always do something wrong…why? _I asked myself, sighing. "I'm sorry. I'll just…talk to you some other time, Lelouch." I took Kris's hand and pulled her towards the restaurant. I saw Lelouch walk away and I swallowed hard, opening the door for Kris. I sat Kris at a table, told her to just order me water and returned back outside to see Lelouch throw the helmet across the street. "Moron. That was my best helmet." I whined and crossed my arms, glaring at him. I saw his face and sighed, lowering my eyes and my arms. "I'm really sorry, Lelouch…" I shut my eyes, swallowing hard. "I got with her because…I thought it'd help us move on. We can't be in each other's lives forever. Friends move on…friends change. You know that." I grabbed Lelouch's wrist, keeping him from walking away from me. "We're best friends. You'd think I would have told you about her before. I didn't lie earlier. Lancelot and school have kept me busy up until now."

"Stay away from me, Suzaku. I can't trust you anymore. You're no longer the Suzaku I used to know." Lelouch snapped and pulled his wrist away from me. "Never come searching for me. I don't want to see your face ever again." He glared and turned his back to me. I couldn't even blink before he started running off. "This time I can call you a fool, you fool!" I yelled after him, I clenched my fist and ran ahead of him, blocking his way through an alley. I shoved him to the side of the building. "Now listen to me, Lelouch. I haven't changed. Just because I'm with _her_ doesn't mean I've changed. You're still my best friend, you're still the only one that I really…" I shook my head, "don't run away like that. I won't let you. You and I both know that I can run much farther and faster than you. I'm also stronger. I was in the military, remember?" I snorted and kept him pinned against the wall. "Don't run off…don't let this end like this. I won't lose you."

He laughed, not his dark laughter, but a quiet, you're-an-idiot kind of laugh. "Well, it looks like you're going to have to for Kris. I bet she's wondering where you are. Go back to her while you still can. I don't believe in friendship or friends anymore. Everyone here is just a lie, a fake. No one in this world believes in anyone. I can't believe in anyone. Not even you. You're just a liar. Sorry, but it looks like you already have lost me." He shoved me away, losing my grip. "Now don't come near me or touch me like that again. I'm serious." He glared, walking past me. I swallowed and pushed him back against the wall, holding only one wrist above his head. "I…I don't want to go back to her." I breathed, "just…listen to me, Lelouch." I cleared my throat quickly and kissed him hard, my eyes closing. I tensed, ready for him to shove me again.

It was a split second later when I got shoved, almost falling to the ground. He wiped his lips and glared evilly. "Don't ever…do that again. Just say away from me. You…you liar!" He yelled, pushing me into the wall and ran off again.

I watched him run off and I sighed, turning back to the restaurant, I looked in the window, seeing Kris sitting by herself. I shook my head and placed the helmet she wore by the door and got on the bike, not bothering to fetch the helmet Lelouch threw. I couldn't go back to her and I couldn't bear to do anything else. I took off down the street, pulling out in front of a black sedan. I drove to Lelouch's home, knowing it was still early enough for Nunally to be awake. I pushed open the door to see her with Sayoko, folding more cranes. "Nunally..." I mumbled, ignoring Sayoko's presence. "I need to speak with you, alone...if that's alright?"

She glanced up from the little paper cranes, tilting her head. "S-Suzaku...? Is that you? What's wrong?" She asked as she sat up in my chair. "Oh. Sure." She said, signaling for Sayoko to leave the room. "What's up Suzaku?" I sighed and sat heavily in the chair across from her. I picked up a green crane and stared hard at it. "I..." I started from when they arrived at the restaurant and ended with the present. "I...think Lelouch really hates me." I gripped the crane too hard and placed it down, staring sadly at the crumpled wing. "What if he never speaks to me again? What if...what if I lose him forever?" I sighed, closing my eyes tight.

She looked down sadly, shaking her head. "Suzaku. You started this issue. It's you that has to figure out this problem on your own. Though, I do know that my brother doesn't hate you. He may say he does, but his heart truly loves you." She smiled, looking down at the broken crane. "Poor crane…I'll fix your wing later."

"N...Nunally..." I bit my lip, staring at the table. "I don't know what I did to make this a problem. I tried explaining to him..." sighing, I put my face in my hands. "I'd tell him...how I feel. But would he run away again? How would he believe me, seeing as he states, more than once, that he'll never be able to believe anyone? I...I don't know what to do. Or say. I doubt he'll listen to me even if I try..." I heard a door open and I jumped onto my feet, knocking the chair to the ground. Lelouch walked in and I inhaled deeply, swallowing. _Did he hear any of that?_

Lelouch walked in, his eyes widening. "Hear any of what…and what are you doing in my place? Get out! I told you a million times, I don't want to see your cursed face anymore!" He walked past me, "Nunally…" his voice automatically went softer. "I wanted to take you out tonight, but Suzaku won't be with us." He pointed towards the door, glaring at me again. "Leave. Now."

"I didn't come here for you...I came here to speak with Nunally. As you know, she is my friend." I took a step back, "I...I mean...Lelouch please. Talk to me for a minute. Just let me explain myself." I looked up at him, tears filling my eyes. "Just let me explain. If you don't want to see me ever again after, then fine. Just give me a chance." I took a step towards him, softly, slowly.

"Don't come any closer than that, Suzaku. I gave you many warnings. Now this is a demand. Go away, I'm serious. I don't want to hear anymore crap from you. I can't trust you anymore. You can stay friends with Nunally, but you can see her when I'm away or whenever I'm not around. Just go away. I don't want to hear you anymore." He turned his attention away from me.

"You're going to miss me, Lelouch. When I'm gone for awhile, I'm sure you will. And I'll be waiting for you." I walked past him, almost out the door before I stopped and turned my head, "to be honest, I've fallen in love with you, Lelouch. For a few months now I have. I was just afraid you would reject me or get angry at me. But I suppose it doesn't matter now. I'll be out of your life then." I inhaled deeply, "bye, Nunally. Sleep tight." I left the room and walked to my bike, noticing it started raining. I sighed, wishing I had brought a better jacket to wear.

I turned around to see Nunally screaming at me, "Suzaku! Lelouch…he…" she looked as if Lelouch had died. I ran back inside, past Nunally and kneeled beside Lelouch. "Can you help me? I'm going to bring him to his bed." I picked him up by the shoulders and carried him to the door to his room; I put him on his bed and pulled up a chair. "Did he just pass out?" I asked, setting Nunally in the chair. I pulled the covers over Lelouch, pulling it up to his chin. "I'm sure he'll be okay. He did run a little too far a little while ago..." I sighed, walking to the window.

"S-Suzaku…you shouldn't be here…" I heard Lelouch whisper weakly. "I'm not leaving, Lelouch. No matter how much you scream and beg, I'm staying here until this little fit is over. I can't leave Nunally to this alone." I didn't move away from the window. I didn't even look at him. "I'm sorry, Lelouch. But at least you can listen to me now without forcing me away physically." I finally turned to him and held him down, trying to stop him from turning. "Just listen to me...it'll help you with the pain, too." I sighed, "just...let me talk. Please." I waited for his response, trying to keep him steady. "Fine..." he said finally, replying in a positive way." "What is it...?" He asked in an annoyed tone. He then opened his eyes slightly, flinching a bit in pain. "Also…Why do you have to hold me down just to tell me? I can't go anywhere..." he grunted and closed his eyes once again. "I...didn't want you to hit Nunally..." I let go of him slowly, walking back to the window. I looked out at the sky, closing my eyes.

"Nunally...could you leave?" I waited for her to close the door before I continued. I opened my eyes and faced him again. "I love you, Lelouch. I have. Ever since we started school here together. I just...kept it a secret. I didn't want you to know. I didn't even want myself to know. I was afraid you'd reject me or yell at me, or tell me to leave you forever. I couldn't bare that pain. Not after...Euphie's..." I sighed, "I don't care about Kris. I don't want her. I left her at the restaurant alone. I didn't even tell her I left. She's probably gone now. Wondering where I went. But I don't care." I walked back over to him, "all I care about is you. I'll still leave if you want me to. I'll never show my face to you again."

I heard him sigh and I looked over him. "Why do you love me? When I killed Euphie? We should be enemies now. Nothing more, nothing less." He said, rolling onto his side, his back facing me. I clenched my fist and kicked his bed. "I love you because…" I shook my head, "the fact that you killed Euphie does make us enemies. But…it was the only option we had. She was going on a fit and nothing could stop her. There could have been other ways, but in the moment…there wasn't. It was the only choice we had. I'm over it, Lelouch. I don't hate you for what happened." I stood up straight, closing my eyes. "I love you, Lelouch. Because you're my friend. You're the closest thing I've got left to family. You mean everything to me. There isn't a thing we can't do together. Why is that so hard to understand? Why can't you just…see it? Everything happens for a reason. If Euphie's death was to cause us to be together, then so be it." I was by the door now, looking back at his unmoving body. "I was hoping…we'd be meant to be. Even though we're of the same sex doesn't change a thing. You're the only thing I have left, Lelouch. I will never stop loving you." I walked out of the room, heading straight for my bike. I ignored Nunally and drove off, wondering what would happen now. _What was I supposed to do now?_


End file.
